#19: See you!

 Very often do I wish I had met you

when I were much better than I actually was.

Sometimes I wish we never met,

but then I would never know you

and the me you’ve shown me

(I want to keep holding onto

your belief that I can be someone).

 

“Stop pitying yourself.

You are good enough,”

you said to me.

Silk eyes, crescent smile,

moonlit rosaria cheeks,

forest-calm countenance;

immersed, I believed you.

I really did.

 

Thank you for not letting go

when I was falling low.

Thank you for letting me

experience love and heartbreak.

Thank you for your time.

I am glad I met you.

 

So, now—all I do when I look back

is cherish the moments we’ve shared

because just like you, time keeps slipping away

through my fingers and

I just want to photograph your fleeting figures

before they fade into colorless silhouette

whose presence I always feel,

but can no longer recognize.

 

I say, first love lasts forever

but knowing you are my first

and I am not yours, I wish to die young.

I don’t want to grow old loving alone.

 

Then I think, can we play pretend?

Let’s borrow some time of our youth,

create our own forever, and—

can you lend me a little of your love?

I’ll pretend lending you mine and

believe me when I say

“You don’t have to return it.”

Believe me—or don’t.

 

I say I don’t mind loving you alone,

but by the time I’ve reached my limit,

I will want you to love me back.

 

When I look at you, I think of an airplane,

a frigate, a pair of leather shoes,

a set of fur wings, and pink marshmallow-skies.

I also think “How can I fly alongside an angel like you?

How can I catch up?”

 

My chicken feet are too scared

to step outside and march forward.

Such an ostrich, will you wait for me?

 

Oh, wishful thinking!

And I know neither of us believes in Santa.

Still, please wait, I will show you my good sides.

I will continue working on myself until I deserve you.

Until then, see you!